Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Our Birth Story and Finally Having a Termie!

Here I sit on my 35th Birthday, sore, exhausted, and very sleep deprived but more blissful than I have been in months or even a year. I made it a life goal to have my children before I was 35, and at the time I had no idea how life changing and difficult that goal would be. Having a micropreemie and then having a high-risk bed-rest gestational diabetes cerclage termie has redefined my beliefs and been something I didn't even believe I could accomplish.
I will spare some of the more personal and frankly disgusting details of our daughters birth. Luckily though I did wake up in labor at home, the same day that I filled out paper work to be induced the following week. Labor was fast and furious and sent us to the hospital a mess, and more movie like than I would have believed. I dilated quickly as was predicted by my history and doctor, and we all thought I would have a lunch time baby.

Then things changed. I had told the nurses and others to not let me watch monitors too much and turn alarms down. Some trauma and triggers from my first birth and preemie experience haven't not healed (and may never for that part). So, as I pushed and pushed I would ask if things were okay but wanted to be kept a bit in the dark as well. Trusting those around me and myself. Not easy for any mother in labor and really not easy for a NICU veteran. NICU parent are forever connected to heart rate monitors and alarms and the hospital environment and for me at least it doesn't bring out the calm side.

Though I was an expert pusher per my nurses, I knew that I had been pushing for a very long time. I knew too that there were things that they didn't like, and that I was just not progressing where we should be. Apparently our daughters head was positioned upwards and sideways, and my pelvis was not really being flexible and we weren't able to really turn her in any possible way.

It was decided that it wasn't safe to keep pushing after 15 hours, and I was taken to the OR for a c-section. I promised the staff I would not blame myself for this portion of our daughters birth, so I will hold my promise (though my heart may say something different if you asked it). She was then quickly born, bruised and bit wet (i.e. fluidy upper respiratory wise) but healthy 7.7 lbs and apgar of 9 and 9 (just like her minature big sister 1 lb 14 oz and apgar of 9 and 9).
They finished everything up in the OR and dad was with our daughter in the nursery. From there it was a long time for me to hold and see her but, was wonderful when I did. I had a bit of trouble post operative, and continue to be amazed at the challenges of a c-section recovery but am getting there everyday. We spent two nights in the hospital and have been home ever since.

Our daugher is completely backwards and wants to sleep all day and be up all night. Of course the rest of life needs us up all day so, we are doing our best. Kate is adjusting as a big sister, the best a 2 1/2 year old can. Sometimes it is beautiful and sometimes it is not. My new motto is 'take it one day at time' and 'this too shall pass'
Is it that different having a full term baby verses a 25 week micropreemie? Words just can't even describe it. I do not regret, feel angry or wish my preemie experience was different. I empathize with those that faced the challenge, will face it again or are trying to avoid it. I wear and live my preemie experience like an invisible bandage of honor that taught me more than I ever knew. I will wear this pregnancy visible and invisible scars as well with courage knowing and appreciating what precious gifts I was allowed to cherish and live with.

To all those who are still on bedrest, still in the NICU, still trying to get pregnant, or come to terms with a pregnancy that wasn't as expected I send you strength and patience because god knows you need it. I send you peace and hope because the dream and ending really is worth it I promise you that.


  1. Congrats! Glad all turned out well. What is her name?

  2. The pic of Taylor and Kate is adorable! And your right..its so different and you hold both pregnancies so dear! Nice Job!

  3. I am so glad everything turned out well. I hope in time that your heart believes what your mind knows about the c-section as well. It is difficult to have our visions of how our babies will enter the world altered (as you know from your previous experience), but the most important thing is that she is here safely. Best of luck and congrats!

  4. Beth,Ed and Kate,
    Was just thinking about you all as I was eating dinner tonight. I am off facebook for now and out of the loop. Somehow found your blog while I was looking for an Iditarod musher's blog. Love fate.. I am so thankful you have now two precious little ones to hold. Beth,your stories are so lovely and well written. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story. I'll try to get up to see you soon when you are all adjusted and feeling better. Dana