Survival Mode and Sibling Rivalry

How could you not like this face?

Day 10 of little Taylor life and we are moving right along. Breast feeding is going well, though a ton of work (a whole other post) and we have yet to figure out the difference between night and day. She will sleep like a rock all day long if we let her, then up all night wanting to be held. This is a brutal combination for us as parents, but pretty typical newborn stuff.

The first question out of most peoples mouths lately is, "How is Kate handling having a baby sister?". Well, how do I answer that? Horrible, rotten, bipolar psycho toddler those might be a bit harsh but at any given moment a bit true. It was good for about two days. Today for example though she walked inside from being with her dad and told me, "Put baby down now mom!". She has lost all interest in the baby, though at least for now we are not violent towards the baby.

No she saves the mean things for her mother. For several days we wouldn't sleep through the night, even though she has been a full night sleeper since 6 months. No instead, she would lay in her bed and scream like a weird goat (we think she was trying to sound like the baby). And despite rocking and petting, the tears and hysterics would just keep going all while a newborn is crying to be fed for what feels like the 20th time of the evening. We've total fallen off the potty training wagon which we had basically mastered, and are now back in pull ups. And the bipolar personality, goes from sweet to screaming within a micro-second. A toys falls off the couch, and there is yelling. I ask the dogs to sit and there is yelling at me. Typically the yelling is reserved for her mother who has done nothing but walk into the room with baby sister and is trying to sit on the couch to nurse.

Oh, but try to take her away from 'evil' mother and then there is a fit about that too. I know this is all normal, and even something about is biological. How could you not be a bit jealous, or a bit out of sorts when your family has totally changed? But, then again when you are sleep deprived and trying to do everything under the sun to keep the two year dictator and a newborn happy, fed and clothed... its a bit much.

For now, I have adopted survival mode. I do my best and just keep going. Sleep, eat and relax when I can. I am telling myself over and over, that it will ease up (kind-of) as the weeks go on. We will find a new rhythm. Kate will realize I still love her (this one keeps me up at night when I should sleep), Taylor will learn the difference between night and day (and like a crib rather than a chest) and I will heal up from the c-section. I also wouldn't mind if some spring weather would show up so we could get out of this house sometime too (and god, help me if I will ever get to go for a run again?!?).

I didn't know how much it would hurt to feel like I had turned Kate's world upside down. We have always been so extremely close, that it really hurts to feel her daily anger towards me. I bend over backwards to keep trying to do most of our routine things, despite another little being needing me constantly but in general it just doesn't seem to be enough.

Again, though I repeat this is survival mode for now. Change hurts even when it is for the best.