Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Rescue Cerclage and Running with Ghosts.

Two years ago to the day, I had my rescue cerclage placed at 24 weeks in my pregnancy. Not surprising then that lately my mind still drifts to those days.

Sometimes when I run I have the most brilliantly clear thoughts. I can work out my problems, see things in a new light and feel refreshed when I am all done. Other times though my brain decides that I need to work out something, that maybe I don't want to. I will be running along enjoying myself and then I end up crying and I have to think what the hell is wrong?

I'll admit, I am really good at thinking nothing is wrong. Keeping busy. Ignoring the little things that my mind is trying to tell me. Everything is just fine. I guess when I run, I can't hide anymore. My emotions come to the surface good or bad and there I have them.

That is exactly what I had the other day. Beautiful spring day, me and the dog on one of my favorite trails. But, unfortunately I wasn't alone. I had my hospital ghosts with me. I had the ethics committee talking to me about survivability and risks. I had the magnesium in my veins making me feeling hot, dizzy and out of control. I could see the metal surgery table, and being alone on the table while the doctors talked about a baseball game. I was running but slowly, because it was so loud and crowded in my head. Even the term rescue cerclage was so desperate.

"You'll either wake up and we will have placed the cerclage or we will have preformed an emergency Cesarean section. We won't know until we are in there, how it will go."

I just wanted to run, to forget about those days. But, my mind had other plans. The tears of course came spilling out as I rounded the corner next to the lake. So I sat down there next to the lake, not a single person for miles and cried with my ghosts.

Hopefully I lost some of those damn ghost on that trail by the lake. I won't be surprised if they show up again though as they don't hide from me as much as they used to.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Toddler daze.

I haven't been blogging much lately because to be honest I have been treading water trying to keep up with life. I over booked May with plans every weekend, and work in between. On top of that we've had two weeks of family illness. That and I think that I am in a 'toddler daze'.
These images are from about ten minutes of time in the hammock in the back yard the other day. It may have even been five minutes. This is how much activity is going on all the time with Kate lately. One moment she is in my face, whining and wanting to rip the camera from my hands. Then she is out of the hammock, running over to a pile of sticks.
The poor dog, is just looking for some peace and quiet in the back yard. Yeah, tell me about it buddy that is what I was day dreaming about too. But before we know it, she is back with demands of a sippy cup.
Okay now we've had the sippy cup. Of course that is not the right thing now either, and she needs down instantly.
Next moment it is bringing me a clump of dirt and grass. Perfect addition to the hammock. Unfortunately I can smell something brewing in her pants, and now we both have to go inside.

This my friend is the toddler daze. Am I coming? Am I going? What is she doing? What does she want now? Where is the sippy?

Its goods, but boy I am tired and I am not getting much else done lately.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Mother's Day.

My Mother

Being of simple mind, I have learned my best lessons by living them. One of the greatest I've learned over the last few years is the power of a mother's love. I could never imagined how much I would love, worry and care for somebody as much as I do for my daughter.

She has exhausted me to my core. Kept me awake so many nights, with worry and pumping more than from crying. I have also experienced some magical memories and smiles. Have I mentioned that she is only 2, and this is the impact she has made on me!

Of course, this is when it dawns on me how much my mother has given to me.

I am exhausted at 2, I can only imagine what 30 some years of doing this has done to her. I can not even count all the times she has helped me, worried about me and laughed with me. Both triumphs and difficulties have been shared with my mother. My words can not express my gratitude and love that I have for my mother. I only hope to become the type of mother she has exemplified for me.
My Daughter

Thursday, May 5, 2011

The Good, Bad and Ugly of Big Sur International Marathon 2011.

In my typical style, I don't leave much out and I don't flower up our lives too much. Thus the title says it all, the good, the bad and the ugly. Luckily I only really have pictures of the good, and over all the bad and the ugly were just a small part of the trip.

We flew out from Seattle, with typical rain and cold. The weather is never ending here still, and we got into California by afternoon. Upon arrival, it was gloriously sunny. The bright orb was so beautiful and it was up in the sky for our entire trip. I spent a week in the sun, and it was so glorious.
Kate upon arrival discovered and delivered to me the most glorious discovery she could find. Hotel trash cans. Makes my skin crawl a little bit to think of what has gone into those, but never the less she thought that this was great. We quickly discovered they needed to go up on the dresser, or what-ever I threw away would be instantly returned.

Kate enjoyed hotel life. Highlights included a bed available at all times for pillow fights an jumping. Or if the mood struck spill a whole bowl of dry cereal onto the bed and dance around. Oh yes, toddler vacation was rocking good times.
Luckily for all of us, there was more to the trip than the hotel. We went to 'Dennis the Menance Park', which is a local park in Monterey. It had amazing slides, one of which was hundreds of rollers making a big conveyor belt that you got to roll (slide) down. Kate thought it was a riot, the adults were not sure if it was a pleasant feeling or not (picture kept for only family enjoyment).
The beaches were absolutely the best for all. Lots of sand, some fun rocks. Dogs running, playing with sticks and balls everywhere. Sun, sun and more sun. Life is good.
Things to do and people to see. California knows how to party.
Why did Dad stop me from running into the big white caps?
We went to the Monterey Aquarium. Though I think we are a little spoiled with a beautiful aquarium in Seattle, as well as seeing some pretty nice other aquariums on our previous trips. The toddler splash zone was really nice, as Kate got to get wet, jump around and finally shake some of the sillies out.
Oh, yeah I ran the race too. These are all pictures from the race course. This is said to be one of the most scenic courses in America. I whole heartedly agree. It was so beautiful, and so fresh with the ocean breeze. I saw a whale spouting while running, a first for me.
It was amazing and so well organized. They had 18 different musicians on the course, you come around the corner and see an amazing vista with man playing a grand piano in his tuxuedo. A few more miles down the run, and a whole band of tribal drummers. It was an event, and of all the races I have been a part of this one made you feel a bit special. It was the first marathon that I felt like I would want to run again.

Now time for the bad and the ugly, the race was hard. The course is rolling hills. Up and down, and for the first 12 miles I thought this was great. Then my legs and ankle that I've nursed along did not think it was that great. I finished and had a great time, my hurt leg has not forgiven me yet. Not sure when I will be running again.

We thought that we had allergies before we left. Those allergies got worse when we were in California. Finally we had to admit, we were sick. Not the best for running a marathon. But, at least Kate didn't have it. Well that was until the day we left.

Finally the ugly. I only have a few words on this. It involves a hysterical toddler vomiting into my hands on the aircraft. Then continuing to have small spit ups on my sweater. Then sitting there while she is hysterical, loud, red faced and stinky trying not to cry as my own sinus headache is about to split my head apart praying that we will land soon.

That and it was raining our first day back.