Reflections

This time of year makes me introspective and a bit nastalgic all rolled into one.  You have the holidays that bring you back with lots of memories, from childhood and years gone past.  Then with the New Year coming I always start to think of what I have accomplished and what I hope to accomplish.  The combination makes my mind a bit of a jumble (with the addition of sugar cookies, wrapping paper and long to do list as well.).

Last week though was little T's 9 month well check.  I was amused with how relaxed I am with her appointments.  I don't have any questions really, and just kind of breeze in and out.  Some of it is because of the type of baby she is (easy going, loves to eat, hitting all her milestones) and some of it just who I am now as a mother (more experienced, too busy to worry too much, and enjoying the baby phase).  Ironically though, we think of little T as a big baby.  We joke about how much she eats (the girl loves her food!), and seems to be growing out of everything so quickly.

The reality is she is exactly the same size as K was.  I wrote everything done and still do for their measurements.  When K was a year old or 9 months adjusted she was the exact same weight as her sister.  The big difference is I constantly worried and focused on it with K(and still do).  The reality is that maybe I just have small girls.  I am rather small myself, but my husband is a pretty big guy so we assumed that maybe the kids would be a mix of both or take after Dad.  At this point I would say probably not.

Now K really kind of dropped onto a low or small growth after a year.  I swear the child survives on air at this point.  She is such a pain to get to eat (unless of course it is junk).  Little T eats everything, but I am prepared for the day when that all stops and she starts to demand goldfish crackers at every meal (while I try to sneak in protein and veggies everywhere).  Only time will tell though.

There are other things that I feel a bit sheepish about now, though they have kept me up worrying on and off for the last several years.  For example, K has always been impossible to get shoes on.  She rolls her foot into a ball (even now).  Trying to cram a round foot into a little flat or straight shoe is impossible, and frustrates me to no end.  So I asked the specialist and the doctors about this several times.  They explained to me that it is because she has poor tone due to her premature birth (and we did see a few other symptoms of this in her).  K also has always spent a lot of time up on her tip-toes.  You will often hear me saying 'Flat feet please",  or "walk flat K".    Again this was explained as a problem with her tone and something we have to work on.

Guess what?  Her sister is identical.  I couldn't believe it.  I struggle and struggle to get shoes on her now.  She has her feet rolled up so tight.  She also seems to have the same extremely tiny feet, the only thing that she isn't growing out of at all is shoes.  And even though she is only pulling to stand she already seems to love to be on her tip toes rather and flat feet.

All that worry and analyzing, seems to have not really been worth it.  Because now I have another daughter who has no reason and has the exact same issues.  Motherhood is so funny that way.  Humbling all the time. I know that because of who I am I will probably continue to worry and push for the best for both girls but maybe I won't let it keep me up quite so much (no guarantees though).