Christmas with two kids is like life with two kids, a little bit harder than I expected. Little T is going everywhere and putting everything in her mouth. She is one fast moving hazard. Gone are the days of letting her sit in the living room with a pile of toys while I do the dishes or some other small to-do. Meanwhile, K is often telling me that T is grabbing this from her, or grabbing her or needing one of the 100 other things she needs at any given moment (snack, bathroom, her CD player isn't working, lets color, lets dance, lets...). I knew this was all coming but I wasn't prepared for how it just took the level of chaos up a notch.
Yesterday when I finally got to work, which for any working mother you have to admit just getting to work is a huge victory. To get out the door with 3 people fed and dressed by a set time in the morning, as well as in my case pumped and breast fed. Then the bags packed, lunches ready, preschool stuff together. It just really can be a christmas miracle. And yesterday was that, a miracle. Both girls woke up with a huge case of the crabby-pants, going to whine and cry for mom every time she leaves the room.
Anyhow, I got to work. Looked at my messages, saw what was waiting for me for the day. Looked at my schedule for the next day. Got pestered about not having signed the work Christmas cards. Then closed the door to my office (which I share with 3 other doctors and is the size of closet), and had myself a little cry. It just had to happen. I hate crying at work, and I really think nobody noticed or at least they looked the other way if I looked splotchy later. Sometimes though, it just has to come out or come to a stop for a bit.
You can only do so much and only be so much for so many people. It is a simple life equation. At some point the math just doesn't add up. You insert Christmas and all the to-do's with it, a new childcare situation, and some unexpected work changes and well the equation goes to hell. I won't lie either, after my cry I still didn't feel all that better. I dragged through my work day, came home and the girls were still in a bad mood and I was still feeling behind.
After I got them to bed though, I put on my running shoes and did my nightly run (the streak is still alive!!). Came home and made a list of what I need to get done for Christmas. And then worked on removing things from that list for a bit, and actually got a lot crossed off the list. There is hope, if nothing else that glorious list makes it all seem a bit more manageable. I also delegated some much needed tasks to my husband. I also remembered that the best thing at my girls ages is time together, and small things. K asked for toothpaste in her stocking, and I know T will be thrilled with boxes and wrap (that she will try to suffocate herself with). Their expectations are low, and mine need to get readjusted at times.
Today I hope this finds you making a holiday list and checking it twice, but hopefully not in your office having a little cry!
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