Thursday, November 3, 2011

Pity pots and my cerclage.

I am sure you've heard the saying, get off your pity pot. Or, I was just having a pity party for myself. Being the literal person I am I was thinking to myself, "Have you ever wondered what your pity pot would look like?" Its one of those expressions that is just silly, and meaningless. It probably confuses people that are learning English as a second language.

The majority of this somewhat draining week I have remained positive. I did shockingly well back in the hospital and didn't even cry, and there were some painful things going on. But, about once a day or so, I get out my pity pot and have myself a bit of pity party.

So what does my pity pot look like? Well, of course for what-ever reason a toilet comes to mind but I think that is just because of the sometimes calling of the toilet the pot. I wonder would my pity pot be pretty and red with daisies on it like the one above.

No teapots are too cute, something to be shared with a friend on a cold day. A pity party by nature is a solitary event. It is better to groan, and feel sorry for yourself with nobody around. Those family members and such will just try to cheer you up or talk about the lighter side of life. Thus my pity pot could not be that cute, or cheerful.
Well, then could I have multiple pity pots depending on the level of my self deprecating thoughts. Hmm... I like this idea, the more pots to have a pity party in. But still these are too happy and cheerful. I am not having a moment where I am planting flowers on my deck. No these are the dark moments in the day, when I just feel too heavy to open my eyes and face the reality around me.

Those are not the right pots either.

I think I finally stumbled onto the right pots for me. Notice the various colors, bright but not too cheery. RED- for the anger that I feel for being in the same situation, and for everyone else getting to have what appears to me a normal life. GREEN- which is perfectly situated next to my angry pity pot for the envy and jealousy I feel towards others. This pot is full of the why me, why my family, and why did this have to happen again feelings. White- this is a whole pot of overwhelmed and lonely, not knowing what to feel, or how to say it just feeling like it is too much to do. BLUE- which is perfect to follow white, as it is typical after all these emotions to feel blue or depressed. Sad and teary, which is always a part of my pity party. Lots of tears. And the last BLACK/BROWN-- no description needed. Just the grand conclusion, and I like how they can all fit together in a nice stack. No need to get unorganized just because we are falling apart emotionally.
Well it gives you something to think about anyway. What color would your pity pot be? Try as you might, during a difficult period of time one just sometimes has to sit and wallow with their thoughts for a bit (or even longer). I continue to try not to do it for too long or too often because I know I have the strength to get to the other side.

My cervical cerclage (which is a special type of suturing to hold my cervix closed) was placed on Wednesday night and went well, per the doctor. He is optimistic that we caught things in a preventative way. I won't have a measurement for awhile now (about 9 days) as long as I continue to feel fine. I had a lot of pain but no contractions for several days.

I can not work the rest of pregnancy, and am on bed rest with some pretty good privileges unless I start having contractions and or if my next measurement indicates otherwise. Basically we hold our breath for another week and 1/2. The big goal is 28 weeks, which is just past Thanksgiving (roughly 24 days away). But in general it is one day at a time.

I'll do my best to stay off the pity pots, but I can't make any promises. I will do my best though.

1 comment:

  1. (((hugs))) Thinking and praying for you often.