Sunday, November 13, 2011

My State of Mind.

I've had a lot on my mind lately, and a lot of time to sit with my thoughts. To be honest I've wanted to just sit with it all for awhile and haven't felt physically very good so it was easiest to just keep it to myself. Sometimes all this time alone though really isn't helpful for keeping things in perspective. Much like the time in the NICU, there are ups and downs daily on this journey. Really the below chart is the one of the most pressing thought. I remember this chart well when we had Kate at 25 weeks.

Her doctors went over it with Ed and I during my 24th week, to let us know what we were facing ahead of us.

Odds of a Premature Baby's Survival by Length of Pregnancy

Length of PregnancyLikelihood of Survival
23 weeks17%
24 weeks39%
25 weeks50%
26 weeks80%
27 weeks90%
28-31 weeks90-95%
32-33 weeks95%
34+ weeksAlmost as likely as a full-term baby
Sources: March of Dimes, Quint Boenker Preemie Survival Foundatio

Tonight I just needed to find some of my own inspiration. I looked around and found a few things that helped lift me up tonight. I share them with you to get an idea of what inspires me and maybe it will inspire you too.
Ask my mother that one, and she will tell you about all the glitter I used in her house. I was one of these very busy-body types from elementary school on (okay, probably from birth), and thus I was always working on some sign or card or something and I love glitter. I love to think of my little girls loving dirt as much as they love glitter.
I tend to be a cup 1/2 empty kind of girl. I say it makes me a good doctor so that I can plan and expect what could go wrong and prepare for that. I am starting to realize that is a coping mechanism to try and gain control in situation(s) that you might not have much control over. It gives you a false feeling that if you are prepared for the bad, you won't be as disappointed when it happens. When I type that out I realize how silly it is, but my mind likes to think this way and I am working hard to change that.
I love Robert Frost, always have and he just says it how it is for sure.
If this isn't the truth and doesn't bring a smile to your face, you probably aren't a mother.
I admire people who do things they've never tried before. Somewhere as we grow up we stop trying new things more and more. Being on bedrest, I am having to do all types of things in a different way and you know some of them aren't that bad. I am learning all sorts of new knots for hand embroidery and they are frustrating but at the same time, when was the last time I learned something new?
This is my motto for the last year, I have it in several locations around my house. Yes, I am one of those people that has inspiring things on my mirror in the bathroom, above my desk and on the fridge. But, I just keep trying to believe that if I say it to myself enough I really will believe it!

So, more details tomorrow but I hope that maybe some of my own inspiration will find its way into your week and help you do something that you didn't know you could do either.

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