Challenging or Hard Anniversary Dates.

I don't know if it is my type A personality, or my obnoxious memory which serves me well as a doctor but haunts me as a individual or a combination of all of the above but I typically remember every date and aniversary as the come across the day planner.

Sometimes these things are good.  The day I met my husband some 18 years ago, followed by the day he proposed, the day we married.  I remember the day we drove home from the NICU, granted it was a 6 plus hour drive.  My first day at a new job, and so on.  With the good also comes the not so good.

I thought with my second pregnancy that I wouldn't have any of the bad anniversary dates.  I really thought it would just be good, good and more good.  After all the memories, and dare I say trauma of the first I thought that besides being challenged it would be smooth sailing. Of course it was not as smooth as I had hoped.

I then find myself disappointed in myself, because in the big picture everything has worked out great.  My girls are healthy and thriving.  I am healthy and doing great.  So why let a simple day haunt you?  Why not celebrate the next good memory and move on.

One part of bad anniversaries or hard experiences is they tend to have a harsh contrast to them.  The experience is sandwiched right next to normal, and so they stick out so crystal clear.  As well, they are usually a  new experiences or one-and-only experiences.   I also think that for me, I often can process all of an experience when it happens.  I often go into 'worker' mode, where I just buckle down and get done what needs to get done and move on.  I get through the crisis and then how knows when the time will come that I deal with it a bit more.

Everyday is a challenge to live in the present moment, and something I am always working towards.  Spending too much time looking back or looking forward does drain today of it happiness.  I do believe that every experience I have in life, I am supposed to have and it is meant to be.  That said though I am only human, and the pain and sadness felt in an experience leave me scared for when the next shoe may drop.

Last year, I walked in happily after work to my doctors appointment and looked over at that ultrasound and knew what we had to do.  Surgery was later that week, and then I spent the next four months on bedrest.  Those days were some of the hardest I had, and I don't think I even breathed for most of Novemember.  I really had a very long hard winter last year.

Last year with one in the oven and the lady bug

This year, a flower and a bee.

Today is just another day moving away from those memories and on to new ones.