Thursday, November 1, 2012

Challenging or Hard Anniversary Dates.

I don't know if it is my type A personality, or my obnoxious memory which serves me well as a doctor but haunts me as a individual or a combination of all of the above but I typically remember every date and aniversary as the come across the day planner.

Sometimes these things are good.  The day I met my husband some 18 years ago, followed by the day he proposed, the day we married.  I remember the day we drove home from the NICU, granted it was a 6 plus hour drive.  My first day at a new job, and so on.  With the good also comes the not so good.

I thought with my second pregnancy that I wouldn't have any of the bad anniversary dates.  I really thought it would just be good, good and more good.  After all the memories, and dare I say trauma of the first I thought that besides being challenged it would be smooth sailing. Of course it was not as smooth as I had hoped.

I then find myself disappointed in myself, because in the big picture everything has worked out great.  My girls are healthy and thriving.  I am healthy and doing great.  So why let a simple day haunt you?  Why not celebrate the next good memory and move on.

One part of bad anniversaries or hard experiences is they tend to have a harsh contrast to them.  The experience is sandwiched right next to normal, and so they stick out so crystal clear.  As well, they are usually a  new experiences or one-and-only experiences.   I also think that for me, I often can process all of an experience when it happens.  I often go into 'worker' mode, where I just buckle down and get done what needs to get done and move on.  I get through the crisis and then how knows when the time will come that I deal with it a bit more.

Everyday is a challenge to live in the present moment, and something I am always working towards.  Spending too much time looking back or looking forward does drain today of it happiness.  I do believe that every experience I have in life, I am supposed to have and it is meant to be.  That said though I am only human, and the pain and sadness felt in an experience leave me scared for when the next shoe may drop.

Last year, I walked in happily after work to my doctors appointment and looked over at that ultrasound and knew what we had to do.  Surgery was later that week, and then I spent the next four months on bedrest.  Those days were some of the hardest I had, and I don't think I even breathed for most of Novemember.  I really had a very long hard winter last year.

Last year with one in the oven and the lady bug

This year, a flower and a bee.
Today is just another day moving away from those memories and on to new ones.



  1. How could you NOT remember that long winter home? But as you said, look how wonderfully healthy your little flower is? I think you should buy yourself something nice to congratulate yourself for getting through it. a bouquet of flowers? a necklace? Honor your sacrifice!

    1. I like that type of thinking Page, I will be thinking hard of what to reward myself with next week :)

  2. The good part about these anniversary's is that next year will be easier & the next even easier until there isn't any pain associated with the memory. I find that comforting. It's one of the big lessons that I learned with my preemie experience.

    Your friend has a great idea, pamper yourself through the pain.