Hospital Scare.

It doesn't take a psychologist to realize why I am up at 4 am on a Friday morning. No matter how much you tell yourself that everything is okay, and that what happened the day before is not a big deal your body and or mind seems to know more. And now even though I should be trying to sleep so that I can enjoy a big day of surgery (me being the surgeon), I am instead drinking water in our downstairs.

The day started out typical enough. I was exhausted from the previous day of non-stop medical appointments and our lovely daughter had decided that 6 am was her time to wake up somewhat grumpily. I was very busy at work, and now with a half day schedule it is like trying to get an 8 hour day slammed into a 5 hour slot. I was just starting to get to the point of being able to sit down and do paperwork and phone calls, maybe heat up my lunch.

I glanced over at my cell phone. I had a message and a missed call from the hospital. What? I then tried to listen to the message but failed due to a combination of panic and people asking me things at work. Finally after several attempts, I understood something was wrong with my ultrasound the day before and they needed to see me right away. And they don't want to see me where they saw me the day before but at the hospital. The hospital is all I heard.

I called back, and asked if this was emergent. They said the sooner the better. Okay, now I was starting to feel a bit shaky. I guess it was time to wrap things up in a hurry, which I did. Trying to stop the tears from rolling down my face and I rushed out of the clinic. My poor co-workers most think I have really lost my mind.

I call Ed on the way, who is obviously very worried now too and wanting to come down. I say to wait and I will find out more information and call. I get to the hospital and have no idea where to go, as I have never been to this hospital. I am trying to memorize things as I go so that if I need to tell Ed how to find me, or where I left my car I will know. At least my 3 plus months of being in a large hospital have made me pretty savvy for reading signs and not being totally freaked in a hospital setting.

I tell the desk, that I think I am in the right place and she says somebody will be out for me shortly. Hospital terms that is about 40 minutes later. A young woman comes and gets me and says she will be doing my scan. I am so used to having trans-vaginal scans I ask if I need a gown. She looks a bit confused at me, and I lay down for abdomen scan. She instantly starts scanning the baby.

Now I am really confused. What is going on with the baby? And are all these people mute, why is nobody telling me what is going on? I watch her do the scan, which is all of about 3 minutes. She is measuring the ventricles, the cerebellum and the nuchal fold, all fetal brain measurements. Nothing to do with my cervix or my anatomy. She says she'll be back, she is an intern and has the resident review.

This is when I start to let the tears gently flow down my cheeks. I just don't know what is going on, and I am trying not to panic but really what is going on? The next person comes in and repeats the same part of the scan, all fetal brain. They notice the stream of tears going down my face.

Oh, we just didn't get all the measurements yesterday so we need to get more today. As far as we know everything is fine though I don't have the radiologist report in front of me. Okay, we are all done now you can get up. I am a bit shell shocked, really this was just a technicality? Why did they call me at work and have me come right in? What the hell?

I go to my doctor later in the day to get my weekly progesterone shot. He has no idea why they called me in like that, it is not his office that does these anatomical ultrasounds. The preliminary report he saw looks great, and he actually seems happy (cautiously) about my cervical length at this point and even more happy that I am working fewer hours.

I guess that was it, just a pointless trip to the hospital to scare the living daylights out of me. I am not sure. I won't feel better until I have the ultrasound report in my hand telling me that baby and I are fine. Of course I googled fetal brain scans which was not a good idea (ever). And of course, I am up and blogging prior to 6 am.

Some days are still just so much harder than others. I really could use an easy week though.