Thursday, August 15, 2013

2nd Child Guilt

I was surprised when I had my 2nd child how fast my heart could grow and make room for another child.  I didn't think that it was possible to love my second as much as my first.  Of course I was wrong.  I love number two just as much as number 1.

The only problem is, I can't do and create the same experiences I did for first child.  Your first child is like your first love.  A first that is so special and new, and all consuming that it just can't be repeated.  With my first I was able to make sure we followed a perfect bedtime routine, that included three books every night and every morning.  She was in bed on time, and had her meals exactly when she needed them.  We had figured it out together, and it was such a neat little package of family.

I can't do that with the second.  I don't have the time.  I have the first child demanding things that takes away from the second child and visa versa.  I try to mix their schedules, but I can't make it perfect for each.  I do the best I can, it is easy to love them but hard to be there for each of them when they need me.   I feel guilty.

I worry that each child is suffering because of it.  Sometimes I think that I need things to worry about.  I just hope that the love I feel and try to express is enough, and will make up for the fewer books and less than perfect routine the second child has.  Eventually maybe when they are both a little older too, maybe their routines will match up a little better.

Addendum:  Not sure if people even use that word in 'regular writing' but in my medical records if something happens after I have written the record I will add an addendum.  Anyhow, I was thinking more about this after I published this original post.

I realized that I wasn't thinking of some of the positives.   And the biggest bonus of being the 2nd child is that your parents are already trained.  We are so much more relaxed and fun.  Plus you have your big sister to play with and entertain you. Not to mention all the great toys that are all over the place. I have no idea how Kate was ever entertained, probably why she is such a reader (that was the only thing to do with us).  And we are so much more adventurous now, and willing to let the girls try different things.  When you aren't so worried and inexperienced, you can sit back and enjoy the ride a little more.

Of course, what I really hope still is that they have a lifetime friend in each other too.

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