Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Hanging On...

Scratch what I wrote last week.  Wonder weeks are crap.  We are trapped in a month of wonder hell.  I am not sure what is going on, but my once happy baby is a very clingy, cranky toddler.  I want the happy baby back.

 I know that she is teething, getting those back molars in.  I know that she is frustrated because she wants to talk and just can't get those words out.  I know that she is a late walker, and even though she can walk she is  just too cautious to let go and really go for it.  I really do understand all this, but I have to say this is one of the worst stages I have ever gone through with one of the girls.

Little T has always been a very needy, or attached baby.  She has demanded being carried and held so much more than her bigger sister.  At 15 months out, my back and arms are starting to say enough.  Little T is screaming, no, no and no you aren't putting me down.  I can't do anything when I am at home and she is awake.  I have attempted to put her in the ergo and just work on, but that leads to more screaming.  I have tried just letting her scream, but it gets ridiculous and poor K even asks me to pick her up.

She is hardly eating because of her teeth, she just mouths her food, fills her cheeks and then spits it all out on to the table, chair and her outfit.  And then returns to screaming.  She will nurse some of the time and other times it is a similar affair asking, refusing and then screaming.

She also has taken to hitting, grab pinching and of course screaming some more.

Honestly the newborn phase was easier than this.  I had less screaming, and more sleeping when she was a month old than I do lately.  I thought it was wonder week, but now we are on 2 1/2 weeks (who is counting, oh only me, every single second).

I am absolutely tired of being around her.  And then my childcare quit this week.  Which though I am sure this current stage wasn't helping, but her reasons had nothing to do with the girls.  All the same, put it on the pile of  'my life is currently a bit sucky'.  Childcare is a huge stress to me, and I just went through this four months ago.  Apparently a year commitment doesn't mean much to some people.

So, I cried on my way to work today.  I prayed.  I mean I really prayed that this is all part of forward progress of our lives.  Each part of it really isn't that bad, but the cumulative effect and the grind of organizing, cleaning, caring for, picking up after, wiping, scheduling, shuttling, feeding it just absolutely takes me to the edge a bit.  As well, you start to wonder what am I doing wrong?  What can I do to fix this or that?  Could I have prevented this or that?  Why am I so incomptent at all this?

Tomorrow is another day.  Another day to try and face the sun, and pray that maybe we push on to another phase.

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