Don't Give Up!

I have been having this silly image and saying running through my head.  The image is not the one above, but a circa 1980 something poster with a kitten hanging from a branch, insert caption "Don't give up!".  Completely stupid, really but yet it keeps running through my head.

I have been very blessed to have the same person watching K since we came home from the hospital.  Then we moved on and T was watched as well.  Our caretaker is having a baby and is due in January.  I have to find new childcare.  I have been looking.  I have been asking.  Nothing is turning up.  

I don't have a ton of free time, and it is feeling like mission impossible.  But, I can't give up!  Hang on to that branch, we will turn something up.  Even worse, I have to act around K that none of this bothers me.  I know it is going to be a big transition for her, and I need to be brave and act like it is going to be great.  In honesty I just want to go hide in bed.  But, even that wouldn't help because I can't sleep lately because I am up worrying about not having childcare.

Change is hard.  In fact at times it just sucks.  I really want a period of time where we all just coast for awhile.  Insert, long heavy sigh...

Tantrums

Apparently they are a normal part of childhood development.  And I am sure I could even find some blogs from mothers of seven children, that are home schooled, eating organic food, and sewing their own clothes that tell me exactly how I can prevent and treat a tantrums quickly and efficiently.

This tantrum was brought on by trying to take a walk, and I was taking a few pictures (not of her) while on the walk.  She did not want pictures taken.  I told her to keep walking.  She decided she would not walk.  I kept walking.  Tantrum ensued.  Of course there is usually an underlying cause or fuel for the tantrum, which in this case turned out that she was hungry.  I later realized this when she had calmed down and I fed her some lunch which she devoured.

Lately if I say black, she says white.  Lucky me it is not with everyone but mostly just her mother, sometimes her father.  If I ask her to be quiet, she says won't and gets louder.  And on we go.  Of course I have been consistent and calm, which I do about 80% of the time and then sometimes I laugh and sadly sometimes I lose my cool.

We have a reward chart.  This works pretty good, though last week she told me she wanted frowny faces for it instead of stars.  Again, lets just see how oppositional one toddler can be.  I should have known given my strong will and her fathers stubbornness that we would combine to have one super independent thinker.

It is very daily this behavior and manners work.  Never stops really.  I pray that the tantrums will end, at least if I ask her to be quiet in public she may just respond.  I realize though, that eye rolling and arm crossing while glaring at me will be here before I know it.

First Family Trip Episode 1: The drive.

We (insert mom the master planner) decided that this family of four needed to go on our first solo trip.  We've done a little trip here or there with family but I decided that we should hit the open road alone.  Knowing our limits a little bit, I choose a beautiful place not too far from our home.  Mazma, WA.  This is over the North Cascade Highway, and is a gorgeous wooded area.  A little cabin for the family on a fall weekend, perfect.

Well, lets hold off on that perfect for a moment.  We needed to get there first.  In my fantasy of cabin living, with the children giggling by the fire and I drinking something warm curled up on the couch with my husband I forgot about all the stuff that needs to be hauled with you even if just for a few days.  And ironically probably the same amount of stuff that needs to be hauled with you if we were going for a week.  My word it takes an army to go anywhere.  Granted I brought a crockpot to roast a chicken, I brought board games to play with K, and the basic of electronics, and I will admit that I hate to not have something that the baby is used to.  Still the new larger car was packed to the gills, and of course this had to be done late at night and first thing in the morning.

The day of departure could have gone a bit smoother.  I had to work, of course my surgeries didn't go as quickly and easily as the could have.  Of course I didn't bring or eat anything until 1 o'clock in the afternoon, and I got home later than I expect with a large dehydration headache.  K had preschool, and in general her day was typical.  T decided this would be the day that naps were completely optional.  And after 60+ days of not raining, today was the day that the rain would start.

No worries, we were off.  Now this were is starts to get very comical, and I know that in a few years I will be sitting in the front seat trying to get the girls to put down their electronics and listen to me tell the story of our first family trip here and what happened.   At the time, nobody was laughing.  The drive is not too long a few hours at most.  It is very scenic, which also means very narrow mountain road with limited areas to pass and lots of turns.  Enter the slowest driver ever in front of us.  Obviously enjoying the scenic drive in the rain, at an incredibly slow pace.  Anytime we would try to speed up to pass, so would he.  Only to then slow down again.

I wasn't driving but, all the same this was driving me crazy.  I also didn't like how close we were getting and then having to back away.  K was happy eating A-B-C cheese crackers.  Taylor had been crying since the moment we left the house, where I also in a moment of mothering greatness had pinched her chest in the car seat (ouch).  Of course the dvd player was requested out after 20 minutes or so of driving, so now we had a Goofy cartoon making noise in the back ground.  Oh, and did I mention that new car had these windshield wipers that sounds like nails on a chalk board every-time they went.  The headache that was mild before we left was picking up speed.

The hope that baby T was going to pass out, was dwindling fast.  Nope she was planning on screaming the majority of the trip.  K was doing her best to ignore her loud sister, but I was not doing very well with it.  I decided it would be best if I hopped in back seat to sit between the two of them.  Why?  I really have no good reason now in hind sight.  I think sometimes as a mother I think that I can fix things, I have very busy-body or almost a compulsion to fix things.  This was not going to be fixed, so putting myself between the two of them was certifiably stupid.  I also hadn't thought about how much K had been eating on this not so long car trip, until I saw the look on her face.

"My belly doesn't feel good.", these are not the words you want to hear as you join a very tight bench seat with your children.  Husband being the king of logic, but not the king of preparedness asked if I had a' just in case bag'.  Of course not, but as always I had a breast milk bag at the ready.  By this point Taylor had entered the final stages of meltdown which include epic screaming and full throttle tears as well as kicking my arm if it was close to the car seat.  Yes, I joined the backseat with them.  There was a case of beer on the floor boards that I did come very close to taking one, but continued to just try and massage my pounding temples.

The truck continued to be slow in front of us.  I rolled down the window for K.  I did everything (and I really mean everything) to try and get T to sleep.  Then I just leaned into K's car seat and closed my eyes.  I remembered that this was a short trip.  We would all survive. The utter chaos of the car continued, no vomiting just a toddler looking very green staring out the window though. Then finally the slow truck pulled off the road and we were able to drive alone.

Typical screaming T style she passed out within 10 minutes of our destination.  We unloaded, and K started instantly collecting pine-cones and opening and closing every door in the house.  I know this story will be humorous one day, and our car will be so quiet as well.  Thank god nobody was video taping that one as we I know we broke a few laws and were all a bit insane.  I only hope the ride home is better.

Where have I been?

There is no picture to go with this post.  If there was one it might be an image of my feet under a pile of laundry or my face would be obscured with pet hair as I lay on our filthy floor.  Have you ever had a friend that just kind of dropped off the radar and you wondered, what happened with them?

I have now become that friend.  I have dropped off the radar.  Nothing bad or sinister or complicated has occurred.  A whole lot of daily living has occurred.  I most say even now at almost 8 months out, I have not figured this two kid thing out.

Somebody once told me this saying, having one child is life changing and now you have one.  Having another child is not like having one more though it is like having 20.  I guess I would not agree completely, but as far as my time management goes two children is still leaving me somewhere between chronically late and completely behind.  Sometimes, not even arriving at all.

We started preschool.  Still don't sleep through the night (insert evil laugh here, we aren't even remotely close to this...).  Purchased a larger vehicle (used).  Trying to sell old vehicle.  There is lunch box day, bike day, field trips.  There have been Halloween decorations to put up.  Birthday present to purchase.  Items to return to the store.  Working while a staff continues to be quitting.  And laundry, groceries, dinners to cook... and so on.  Trying to enjoy the small things, while not getting swallowed up by the daily things.

I need to write more often, it centers me.  There is a lot of things I need to do more of but simply don't have the time lately.