The 2nd child or chance...

 I have been thinking about this a lot lately.  I am just so happy that I got a second chance to experience things with another child.  With Taylor being our second child and also not being a premature child, we are much more relaxed.  Poor Kate, had two parents that were wound so tight the poor child couldn't cry without us both on top of her in two seconds.

I was so worried about her for that whole first year (okay, and I still worry about her plenty) and we had so many follow up appointments and checks I don't think that until she was a year adjusted that I stopped knowing exactly what she consumed in a day.  Taylor on the other hand, I rarely look at what she has taken in during a day.  She is fed on demand when with me, and of course I would notice if she didn't eat all day but otherwise its a pretty natural relaxed system.

With Kate, I worried and fretted. We had to try every spoon, and even just work up to having her allow something up by her face.  With Taylor I actually enjoy feeding her.  I really don't think about it much except for choking and the possible allergy worry.  Taylor in response enjoys every last minute of it all, she eats with gusto, loves the spoon and nearly explodes with excitement for the mesh feeder with fresh fruit in it.

I am glad we went through and continue to go through the challenges with Kate and her eating.  It has prepared me (a little) for dealing with bigger problems in my children lives, if and when they come along.  I also can be extremely persistent and stubborn now if I need my children to do something.

But, it sure is nice especially when you are exhausted at the end of a work day after 6 months of not sleeping a ton and dealing with a bossy 3 year old to just relax and watch a pudgy little baby enjoy her peas and watermelon.

One last trip to the berry stand.

Summer is slowly starting to fade.  All that is left at the berry stand is blueberries now, well and yumy icecream.  Girls had fun all the same.  Baby sister was allowed in car for picture purposes only.

Girls Rule.

I have had a really busy week so even though I have better blogs to write and update, like how fun vacation was or the joys of battling chronic constipation in you child I really just want to write this quick one and get it off my chest.

You know what 'Girls ROCK!'.  I just can't even tell you how many times I will tell people I have two girls and they say they are sorry.  Boy, that is going to be really hard in the future.  And the last ten pregnancies I have been indirectly associated (either friends or friends of a friend), everyone has made sure to let me know that they really didn't want a girl.  No a boy is what they really wanted.  Even some, whom have had a girl still tell me they were disappointed.  While I was pregnant I even had people tell me that too bad I wasn't having a boy, because boys are so much fun.  And now that I am done, I constantly get asked if we are going to try for the boy and have one more.

I am not sure where all this comes from, and furthermore why you would tell somebody who has two girls.  Last I checked women and girls were doing and being amazing things in this world.  As well, though we are not treated equal (as this post even proves) my daughters and myself have had more opportunities then any other group of women in the world.    Come on people didn't you watch the Olympics?  Women are absolutely doing it all with style, grace and strength.  Women last year also earned more higher degrees then men.

As for the future and the drama my girls will bring, I am also pretty sure that I am not there yet so I shouldn't worry about it.  Not every teenager is a living nightmare, and plenty of them are boys too.  The teen and preteen years are going to a rocky road for most parents.  I have a feeling my daughters will do it with a little drama, but a whole lot of love and family too.

So for all those out there that want to wish for boys, I wish you luck but I know that I am pretty lucky to have two gorgeous little girls to raise!

Things said to and about baby sister.

I am going to hit baby sister with this stick.

Baby sister is very mad, put her to nap.

I would like baby sister to wipe out.

Baby sister should stay home.

Baby sister should stay in car seat.

Baby sister should not come.

I do not love baby sister.

I will not kiss baby sister.

That toy (or insert any object that baby sister has) is not baby sisters.

Oh feel the love, baby sister.  Ironically baby sister adores big sister and wants to be close to her all the time.  And occassionally there is the rare nice moment from big sis.  And when I came home from work today she told me she was entertaining baby sister (playing with her in the bouncy toy).  One day maybe there will be some real affection, but I am not holding my breath.

Anger.

 I wish I never had to get angry as a mother.  I wish that it could all be fun arts and crafts, singing and dancing with cupcakes (with sprinkles).  I know that I have to give you both roots and wings, but at times I didn't know how hard it would be.  I realize that I am only at the beginning of this long journey too, but the hurt and trials of discipline.  I watch as your temper bubbles and churns to the surface, and then feel ashamed when mine erupts like a volcano.  We will get through the challenges, and then we can eat cupcakes (with sprinkles).

Looking alike or different?

Babies you want them to stay babies forever, but you can't help but be curious to what they will look like as they get older.  I wonder if you will look like your older sister or not.

I could have written this... feeding a preemie toddler.

My mom passed this on to me, because she knew how true it was for our house too.  So I have to share it with you all.  It is a funny little post from another micro-preemie who like my micropreemie toddler, hates to eat and keeps food in his cheek.

http://babycharliesadventure.blogspot.com/2012/07/this-is-not-joke-otherwise-titled-hot.html

I have found things in Kate's mouth that I did not know could stay in a mouth that long without dissolving.  Her favorite stock pile is usually fruit peices.  Apple has a very long staying power.  I make her show me empty mouth for a lot of things (a dramatic AWW! by her).  I envision we will be doing it when I drop her off at college.

I am always just glad to hear and read about these things so that I know my evening, morning (heck all the time) battles are not really alone.

What the heck happened in July?

I am not really sure.  I guess between trying to pump enough to feed a small nation, working full time client load in part-time hours and getting back into working out... I ran out of steam.  I stopped blogging for a bit.  Fell off the old cyberspace wagon.

I have to say the post-partum period of time for me is hell.  I wouldn't call it real depression but I have to say the further I get away from the newborn period of time, the better I feel.  I won't say that I am going to be blogging intently and publishing a book of my thoughts anytime soon but I can say that I have already now done more blog post then I did all last month.

Keep Calm and Carry On.

Breast Milk Donating: Turning Lemons into Milk!

If you have read my blog for awhile there is one aspect about mothering that I have become pretty passionate about is breast milk. With my preemie, we both had a lot of issues and couldn't make breast feeding successful.  I pumped for 15 months, and she was on breast milk exclusively until she reached a year adjusted.  With our second child, I have been breast feeding her exclusively since birth and we are just at 5 months now.

I was pretty devastated when I couldn't breast feed my first.  Having a lot of 'mommy guilt' for her premature birth already, it just compounded making the whole first experience feel like I was a failure.  And take it a bit further that my body was the failure.  I was also extremely worried about illness with her, so I felt the extra immunity from breast milk was important.  So, I pumped and I pumped.  Every 3 hours for months and months.  And when I say every 3 hours, I mean every 3 hours... midnight, 3 am, 6 am and so on.  I did that routine at least until April (so about 10 months).

With all that compulsive pumping, I have to say I got really good at it.  Mastered it while doing about everything from driving to fixing my hair.  I continued to feel really bad about it all, and even going into this pregnancy saw it as a failure of my last pregnancy.  Little did I know...

You see sometimes when something horrible happens, maybe it really happens so that you can help others out.  I never dreamed I would be able to do what I have been able to do this time around.  Luckily even though breast feeding has been challenging and time consuming, I still have been able to pump and had to pump when apart from baby.  And I pump like somebody who spent 15 months training their body to the machine.

I pumped mostly when I am away, and not knowing if we would have enough while I was at work or if I wanted to quit breast feeding.  I just didn't really expect my body to respond so well to the pump and the situation though.  Naturally the milk started to pile up and pile up and pile up.

That is when I realized that I should donate my milk.  I actually heard a radio story on how a nearby hospital with a NICU was starting a milk depot and they didn't have many donors.  I then had a phone interview, still need to have blood test, and lots of little details later.  I am very proud to say though I have sent out over 1000 oz of breast milk to be used in NICU's in the Western United States.

All those times I thought I had failed.  Or I thought that I was less of a mother because of the whole situation.  I would have never guessed that I would be able to help feed so many other preemies  and hopefully take a little stress off their mothers.  I would have never dreamed, that I could send a little bit of myself and hopefully well being to NICU's all over.

From those sour, pitiful days to these glorious sharing days.  I really am blessed.