Monday, October 28, 2013

Finding yourself on the trail.

A wonderful weekend of friends, fun and time with family.  Monday feels like a cold hard slap in the face. A hang-over, with no alchohol involved. We all have our jobs to do, places to go yet we move slow and heavy like we've had a long sleep we don't wish to wake from.  Little sad faces at daycare, as I walk away knowing I am already late when the day has only barely begun.  Four years in, and yet Monday morning drop off still pulls at my heart strings.  'Stay with us, Mom', I hear over and over in my head as I fake a smile and wave from outside the classroom. Act cheerful and don't make a big deal out of goodbye, they are always fine the 'good' mom whispers in one ear.  You are late, late, late the 'stressed' mom on my other shoulder hisses.
 Calls to make, clients and patients to see, and so much paperwork I can't seem to get my footing on this morning.  Heart racing, head spinning.  Breath and drink my tea, the only anchor to the boat of  my anxiety.  The to-do lists seem to be all around.  Wonder if the girls are doing better with their day?  Have they already bounced into their Monday, and are they having fun with their friends?  How when I work so hard, does it never seem that I am caught up or even above the drowning level.
Lunch and time to run.  Oh, the woods.  My blessed safe place to be.  Earth, dirt and leaves.  On and on my chest aches with the cool air, but finally my mind starts to settle down to a hum of my breathing.  Earth, dirt and leaves.  No one can find me here, no lists, no calls, no pressures except for my own desire to run faster and faster.  Over the down logs, the small puddles, around the twigs.  Earth, dirt and leaves.  I made it. There is the lake smooth and empty.  Quiet and silken it waits for me to remind me that peace does exist.  I find myself for a moment on those trails, among the earth, dirt and leaves.

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