Hard Days.

Some days are just a lot harder for me than others. Not surprising the days and days prior to my next doctors appointment (now I go every 2 weeks) are particularly hard. I try hard not to think about it, but it is like a weight on my shoulders at all times.

I think that all pregnant women are a bit apprehensive prior to going to the doctor, my feelings are long past apprehensive. Its such a personal and vulnerable type of examination too. Over the course of my first pregnancy, follow-up issues and then this pregnancy, I really can't count how many cervical ultrasounds I have had. I try to relax. I understand the need for diagnostic tools. I know it will be over quickly.

I still hate them. I don't want to have it done and my childish inner voice doesn't want to know what length I am at. Unfortunately nobody even has to say anything because it is up on a big screen for everyone to see. I know now what it should look like, and unfortunately I can't seem to forget what it looked like when everything went wrong.

I know I am blessed, and lucky to even be pregnant. I know that positive thinking and relaxing breathes are not just needed but are required for this pregnancy. I really am trying my best, with all the changes, restrictions and precautions.

Unfortunately some days are just really hard. I just struggle from start to finish to keep my head up and not let the panic, memories and worry to fill me up.