Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Hard Days.

Some days are just a lot harder for me than others. Not surprising the days and days prior to my next doctors appointment (now I go every 2 weeks) are particularly hard. I try hard not to think about it, but it is like a weight on my shoulders at all times.

I think that all pregnant women are a bit apprehensive prior to going to the doctor, my feelings are long past apprehensive. Its such a personal and vulnerable type of examination too. Over the course of my first pregnancy, follow-up issues and then this pregnancy, I really can't count how many cervical ultrasounds I have had. I try to relax. I understand the need for diagnostic tools. I know it will be over quickly.

I still hate them. I don't want to have it done and my childish inner voice doesn't want to know what length I am at. Unfortunately nobody even has to say anything because it is up on a big screen for everyone to see. I know now what it should look like, and unfortunately I can't seem to forget what it looked like when everything went wrong.

I know I am blessed, and lucky to even be pregnant. I know that positive thinking and relaxing breathes are not just needed but are required for this pregnancy. I really am trying my best, with all the changes, restrictions and precautions.

Unfortunately some days are just really hard. I just struggle from start to finish to keep my head up and not let the panic, memories and worry to fill me up.


  1. Anxiety is just tough to deal with isn't it? think good happy little angel-baby thoughts! Sending you good, peaceful thoughts.

  2. So with you there. I was ok after 12 weeks but the closer I got to 20 the more I began to panic. I had one of those nights yesterday, thankfully my next appt was this morning and everything looked fine. I try to keep the positive mental attitude up but when you'd been through what we have...that's hard to maintain. (((hugs))) Hope tomorrow is a better day!